As it’s Love Island season, everyone’s thinking a little bit more about connections and relationships, including all the stuff we don’t like about dating - y’know, ghosting, f*ckboys, creeps, and now ‘cookie-jarring’.
According to sex and relationships expert Annabelle Knight, cookie-jarring is a ratchet move that involves “leading someone to believe that the connection they share will lead to a relationship while knowing that it will not,” she told Metro.
Basically, the person being led on is a cookie in a jar that the other person can come to whenever they are feeling 'hungry'.
Knight believes that Dami from ‘Love Island UK’ cookie-jarred Summer during this season’s Casa Amor saga.
Dami had a strong connection with Indiyah when Casa started, but led Summer to believe they shared a strong connection as he snogged her face off and recoupled with her, even saying: “Summer isn’t over. He then ended things with her as soon as Indiyah came back, claiming he was just being friendly, which Summer took offense to.
Dating expert Hayley Quinn reckons Dami always saw Summer as an option and was thus a cookie-jarrerer.
“It would be hard for most people to interpret kissing under the covers as ‘friendliness’,” she also told Metro.
“But by minimising his behaviour, Dami was consciously trying to shift the blame, even going so far as calling Summer a ‘fake’.”
Quinn reckons that the new trend is “tactical and nasty” because you’re leading people on and just wasting their time, and if it goes on too long it could really hurt someone’s feelings.
We never thought we’d be scared of becoming a cookie, but here we are.
But why are people out here cookie-jarring? Therapist Laura Echeverria says it’s an ego thing fuelled by fear.
“Often when someone continues to cookie jar they are relying on a back-up to ensure they always have someone. Ego plays a large part in all of this. Will they get rejected? How will they look? It feels good to have several people interested.
“Love, without doubt, comes with vulnerability, whenever there is vulnerability, there is fear - fear of rejection, fear of what others would think, fear of being alone, even fear of missing out on someone else.”
If you are cookie-jarring, STOP! Laura says that it “often creates trust issues and rather than ending up with a jar full of cookies, you end hungry and unfulfilled.”
If you feel like you’re in the jar, cut off the hand when it comes to grab you - you are so much more than a cookie babes.
