Earlier this year, I was forced to call a few government agencies due to *reasons* and while I had my phone to my ear, dreading whatever conversation would come next, I decided to note down all the tracks I heard.
Before Studylink picked up, I managed to call every other Kiwi business that puts you on hold and rank all of the tunes. Still, no one has picked up, so I'm making my rankings public.
(I didn't actually call every single NZ business, just the big ones).
Ranking New Zealand's Best 'On-hold' Songs
10. Everything - P-Money
'Everything' is one of the most modern songs you can hear on most Kiwi call lines despite being released 14 years ago.
This tune instantly takes me back to C4 days when I’d stare in awe at the TV, trying to understand what the f*** is going on in its music video.
9. Misty Frequencies - Che Fu
My mum definitely won’t be able to pronounce Che Fu properly but I bet it’d get her grooving while on hold
A classic, feel-good Kiwi tune that can get anyone tapping their feet. 'Misty Frequencies' is probably on every hotline playlist and for good reason: You can’t feel angry after hearing Che Fu.
8. Not Given Lightly - Chris Knox
I have no idea what other songs Chris Knox has made but since this song is so good I don’t need to.
Chris Knox, you are a Kiwi treasure.
7. Maybe Tomorrow - Goldenhorse
It is hard to be mad at government agencies when they force you to listen to such relaxing music. It's impossible to throw your phone against the wall when ‘Maybe Tomorrow’ is playing.
The lyrics aren’t exactly genius but hearing Kristen Morrell’s soft voice against a relaxed guitar is the perfect remedy to chill out an angry student.
6. Black Box - Stan Walker
We can all agree that this is a great but equally annoying song.
On a good day, ‘Black Box’ is an absolute jam but after being on hold for half an hour, you might not be as stoked.
5. Not Many (The Remix) - Scribe, Con-Psy, Savage
Nothing makes me laugh harder than the thought of someone jamming to Savage’s verse and then the beat cutting out and the rapper's voice being replaced with a call operator's. Rude.
It feels inappropriate to have a song that hits as hard as 'Not Many' on a hold playlist. Whoever curated the music deserves a raise.
4. Sophie - Goodshirt
I believe 'New Zealand On Air' funded Goodshirt knowing they’d be using this song for years.
Have you ever heard this played at a party? Me either!
3. Bones - Ginny Blackmore
Before getting into a conflict with whoever picks up the phone, I love being called pretty.
Ginny opens up about being in a relationship with a crappy dude, telling an unfortunately very Kiwi story with her angelic voice. The end result is one catchy tune.
2. Wandering Eye - Fat Freddy’s Drop
'Wandering Eye' reminds me of being put to bed early on a Saturday so Dad could watch men moving their favourite shaped ball around an immaculately cut field in peace. I would, of course, stay up and cheer with him as the Fat Freddy's faintly made its way through the wall.
It’s one of the grooviest Kiwi songs of all time and, especially when waiting on the phone, the groovier the better.
1. Always On My Mind - Tiki Taane
Once a banger, always a banger. If I'm not hearing Tiki Taane while waiting on the dial, I'm not talking.
‘Always On My Mind’ should really be New Zealand’s national anthem.
If you have any problems with this list, you can call my assistant and enjoy going on hold.