In the words of Blink-182: Nobody likes you when you’re twenty-three!
This time last year I was sh*tting bricks at the thought of turning twenty-three. I moved into my brand-new flat on my birthday and felt like a complete loser. I was embarrassed that I had no one to celebrate my special day with. After offering my new flatmates some birthday cake one of them told me that from this point on, life would get worse. Yikes, as if my own fears weren’t daunting enough…
It was now officially embarrassing to ask my parents for a cheeky twenty dollars after spending too much money on a night out. So was twenty-three actually a bad year? Absolutely the f*ck not! If anything, it’s been the best year of my life so far!
So if you’re nervous about getting older, don’t be discouraged. I’ve never learned so many lessons in such a short period of time (and yes, one year is a short amount of time). Here are twenty-three things I learned while being twenty-three years old.
1. Knowing everything about Trisha Paytas wasn’t a complete waste of time
I was asked by several of my managers who this problematic queen was and I was able to give them a whole history of her problematic past. All knowledge is good knowledge people!
2. Don’t ignore your allergies
If you are lactose intolerant, you probably shouldn’t eat dairy. It sounds simple but I’ve ended up in the toilet too many times!
3. Lock the doors when you’re having a gossip sesh
Spilling the tea is a fun and necessary part of life but it’s a whole lot less fun when your private information is leaked from someone else. Shut all windows and doors when you share secrets!
4. Delete everyone you don’t know off of Facebook
If you want to clear out your Facebook from a ton of randoms keep an eye out for your birthday notifications. Don’t know anything about them? Unfriend them!
Shout out to Steph for completely changing my life with this hack.
5. Skulling drinks in front of your boss is never a good idea
Drinking adult lemonades at work functions is a dumb idea. Throwing up in front of your bosses is even worse. Never doing that again! Since we’re on the topic of work…
6. Get to know your co-workers
Now that I’ve taken the time to get to know my co-workers I feel so much more at ease coming to work. I’m excited to catch up with the team on a Monday morning and can speak my mind! This is your sign to have a genuine chat with someone in your office.
7. I’m a material girl
Things are nice and I refuse to be ashamed of it anymore. My love language is gift-giving and it benefits everyone in my life. Madonna knows what I’m talking about.
8. Listen, truly listen to people
You’d be surprised how many people just talk at each other rather than actually taking in the information given to them. People can tell when you aren’t engaging with them and it’s a total turn-off. There is no better feeling in the world than someone listening to you so make sure you pass on the favour!
9. It’s easier to get away with pooping yourself than you think
Look, I shat myself this year. Sh*t literally just happens sometimes and I own it. My boyfriend was right next to me when it happened but true love prevails! It’s a funny story so I’m not going to stress about it.
10. Dress however you want and feel good doing it
Being plus-sized I’ve had my obstacles feeling good in what I wear but thanks to body-neutral TikTok I’ve never felt better. Wear what you want, when your at retirement age you’ll be looking at yourself with kinder eyes.
11. Christmas music isn’t as bad when you aren’t working in retail
Now that I’ve left retail, hearing a bit of Bublé isn’t so bad. Sleigh.
12. Uber Eats is an easy way to say goodbye to your paycheck
When reading an edge article earlier this year I saw that you could see how much money you’ve spent on your account. Let me tell you it wasn’t pretty… If I’d cooked this year I could’ve saved myself $1000, no joke. Still definitely gonna get Maccas when I’m hungover though…
13. Make sure you have hobbies
Life is so much better when you’re doing things you enjoy! Working on goals outside of work has helped me perform so much better. If you’re struggling with your mental health I highly recommend you experiment and find something you love doing.
14. Screwing the crew is a lose-lose situation
I’ve been in a relationship for almost three years now but I’ve witnessed enough screwing of the crew to realise you’ll regret it. Don’t sh*t where you eat.
15. Don’t be afraid to be stupid because you probably are
I can tell you everything about Pete Davidson’s dating history but if you quizzed me on science I’d be bloody clueless. No one is smarter than you and you aren’t smarter than anyone. We’re all stupid so don’t be afraid to ask questions. Someone who’s an expert will be more than happy to help you.
16. Health is wealth
This year I tried avoiding the doctors for way too long and caused myself more stress and harm than necessary. If I ever start to feel pain in my body, I’ll definitely be hitting up the doctor sooner rather than later.
17. Dump anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself
You won’t regret it! Being anxious after hanging out with someone isn’t normal and should be addressed sooner rather than later. I was so afraid to let go of people who I knew were bad for me as I was afraid to be alone.
After going through the muck though, I’ve learned a HUGE lesson. The only regret you’ll have is that you hadn’t broken it off sooner!
18. Eggplant is a horrible vegetable
You can’t change my mind. It’s a trash vegetable and only useful in its emoji form when your sexting. Throw it away.
19. If it’s not a f*ck yes, it’s a f*ck no
If you aren’t sure about something, you’re more sure than you think. If you aren’t 100% confident in saying yes, you probably want to say no. Not sure if you want a second date with that person? It’s a no. This rule has saved me heaps of time and hopefully, it’ll help you too.
20. Don’t waste time in a job you don’t care about
We spend around 90,000 hours of our lives working, so why waste your precious time doing something you hate? I worked in retail for over five years and it sucked. Now that I’m in a job I’m passionate about I’ve become a much happier person.
21. People from overseas have absolutely no idea what I’m saying
Turns out my kiwi accent/slang is so strong that most people don’t know what I’m on about. After living with my fair share of people from around the world this year, I’ve learned that they don’t know what to reply after I say ‘reckon’, ‘handle the jandal’ and ‘dairy’. You live and you learn!
22. You can’t be truly happy without a tight support system
This time last year I was absolutely miserable but now that I have a tight-knit circle of friends my life has improved significantly. Keep in touch with your mates and remind them you love them!
23. There is no point wasting time wishing you were younger because you’re young now
Right now in this very moment, you’re the youngest you’ll ever be. Why waste more time wishing you were younger?! Sza said it best in her song Good Days, half of us layin' waste to our youth, it's in the present.