Forget about the SP2: A group of UK archaeologists have found a 2000-year-old Roman dildo.
Even though modern sex toys are battery-operated and frighteningly lifelike, they are nothing new - after all, our ancient ancestors had their needs, right?!
According to Vice, researchers stumbled upon the wooden sculpture measuring 6.5 inches in length at Vindolanda, a Roman fort south of Hadrian's Wall in northern England.
Wowza, that takes the term wood to a whole new level. I’m squirming at the risk of splinters, but let's move on.
The ash-carved item may not have all the high-tech features seen in modern sex toys, but they must have known what they were doing since they carefully built it to have a long, smooth shaft with a very obvious tip.
Author of the study, Dr Rob Collins, told the Daily Mail: "If the object is a sex toy, we believe it could be the oldest example from Britain."
“I have to confess … part of me thinks it’s kind of self-evident that it’s a penis.”
He continued: “If that is the case it would be, to our knowledge, the first Roman dildo that’s been encountered in archaeology. We know from Greek and Roman poetry and Green and Roman art that they used dildos. But we haven’t had any archaeological examples found, which is intriguing in itself.”
"The size of the phallus and the fact that it was carved from wood raises a number of questions about its use," Dr Collins added.
Others suggest it was used as an oddly accurate d***-shaped pounder used to grind food, or it was actually a statue people would stroke for good luck - I know what theory I’m going with until it’s confirmed!
