Lord rewrites emotional email to fans to 'tell the truth' about 'living with heartbreak again'

Lorde rewrites emotional email to fans to 'tell the truth' about 'living with heartbreak again'

"I ache all the time."

We all know our girl Lorde is one for wearing her heart on her sleeve, but her recent email to fans might be her most deeply personal yet.

The Kiwi singer revealed she's "living with heartbreak again" and shared some of her struggles with her physical and mental health in a lengthy and emotional letter.

It begins with a candid, "Hey, I just finished writing you a long letter, catching you up on how I've been. It ended neatly, tied with a little bow. I chose my words well, but I didn't tell the truth." 

Writing from London, the pop star admits she's missing close friends and family, "like a vitamin she's deficient in," But says she's planning to head home to New Zealand after a stint in New York.

She also adds that she is "living with heart break again", seemingly confirming an "aching" breakup with longtime music executive boyfriend Justin Warren.

“I’m living with heartbreak again. It’s different but the same. I ache all the time, I forget why and then remember. I’m not trying to hide from the pain, I understand now that pain isn’t something to hide from, that there’s actually great beauty in moving with it.”

The two have been together since 2016, and earlier this year, engagement rumours were swirling.

Lorde also reveals she's not feeling good physically, describing her body as being "really inflamed" and having been sick "half a dozen times".

“My gut isn’t working properly, my skin is worse than ever, I’ve gotten sick half a dozen times. I realised earlier this year that listening to my body is hard for me, it’s something I never really learned how to do."

She adds: "I’ve been trying to teach myself that this year, but it’s been hard actually, pretty confronting, has made me fully aware of all the times I ignored it or didn’t give it what it needed, shamed it for a fight or flight response, took a handful of pills and pushed through."

Later she mentions her decision to stop taking her "little yellow pill" - which appears to be a reference to a prescription of anti-depressants.

"The little yellow pill I took every morning for thousands of mornings since I was 15, I stopped taking it 5 days ago. Gonna see how it goes."

Despite the challenges she's faced, Lorde remains hopeful about the future. She sees this year as an important one in her life for personal growth.

“I know I’m gonna look back on this year with fondness and a bit of awe, knowing it was the year that locked everything into place, the year that transitioned me from my childhood working decade to the one that comes next — one that even through all this, I’m so excited for. It’s just hard when you’re in it.”

She signs off the letter by telling fans they shouldn't worry about her, despite the hard times she's clearly going through.

"Hope you're taking care of yourself. Don't worry about me, I still laugh every day, it's all moving, even when it goes slow. I've accepted the mission — I have a self to recover. Speak soon, E xxx."

Good on you gal, for being so open and vulnerable.

We're sending you lots of love and we hope we see you home for summer in Aotearoa!