Sorry, we don't take a lot of joy in destroying your childhood but you're here now and you're ready to read this...
David Joyner - the guy who played Barney from 1991 to 2001, now runs a business helping people get to grips with tantric sex.
In a new interview with Vice, Joyner opened up about his new career where he helps to 'unblock' his clients via a three to four-hour session costing £250.
For their money, his female-only clients are promised a ritual bath, chakra balancing and a massage - the massage can apparently lead to 'mind blowing orgasms'.
Hold on for a bit while WE VOMIT EVERYWHERE.
He's been up and running as a tantra massage specialist and spiritual healer since 2004 and told the publication that his clients come from all over, including finding him on Tinder and through word-of-mouth.
According to the Source School of Tantra Yoga, tantric sex focusses on combing passion, love and consciousness to turn sex into a form of mediation.
Joyner told Vice: "When the lingam [penis] and the yoni [vagina] meet, there's a certain energy that takes place that hands on the body alone cannot create."
And just in case you're not 100% DONE yet, read this other pearlf of wisdom he shared with Vice:
"When you go down on a woman (orally), it should be just like you're saying grace, like blessing the food you're about to receive." Amen.
OK BYE WE WANT TO LEAVE RN CYA.