Fleur from The Bachelor NZ has opened up about her battle with depression.
She has previously talked about some intimate details of her past on the show, admitting some of her former boyfriends have treated her like a “piece of s**t” and she was left “depressed” and “paralyzed”.
The 26-year-old, who appears on the TV3 reality TV show as bubbly and confident, wasn’t always so and the Dutch native, who now calls New Zealand home, says she was confronted with real fears and heartbreak after a turbulent relationship breakup.
Fleur has talked on the show about travelling to Africa with her then-partner of four years.
But off-screen, the youth care worker paints a considerably darker picture of her past, and admits she felt “embarrassed” and “like a failure” following the relationship breakdown in May 2014, when she moved back in with her parents.
In a heartbreaking and moving rendition on her personal blog, Fleur confronts her demons.
“I remember the feeling of not knowing how I would ever get through the heartbreak, to even make it through the next hour (or minute),” she said.
“But I did. There were moments when I didn’t think the pain would ever subside, that I would be hurting forever, but things did get better and one step at a time, putting one foot in front of the other I made it."
The 28-year-old lived in New Zealand for many years, studying at Massey University and UCOL Palmerston North.
Unlike Fleur, he has entered into another serious relationship since the break-up.
After their split, the Dutch beauty said she felt like she had nothing - being left without a house, car, money or career.
Fleur struggled with the idea of moving on.
“I would often lie in bed, curtains closed, and cry, feeling depressed and alone. Simple things such as getting out of bed cost me so much energy, that the idea of getting a job and moving on completely paralyzed me."
Looking back on the relationship, Fleur feels wiser and more confident, happy to impart lessons for other women who may feel in the same predicament.
“As it turns out, it’s not selfish to think about yourself instead of always putting others first,” she said.
Also, when a guy tells you he’s actually not that keen on anything serious after telling you he loves you and [you] travelling over 3000kms to see him, [then] you run and go shopping, possibly slap him in the face, take his money and buy yourself some nice shoes.
She added: “You do not, I repeat DO NOT say ‘It’s ok, I understand’.
“Oh and if he’s still in love with his ex… you stay away. Just don’t even go there."
Fleur said she was able to “slowly” piece her life back together and re-build her damaged self-esteem.
“Yes, 2015 may have been filled with some crappy decisions, and no doubt I’ll have plenty more to come in my life, but right now, I feel like I’m heading in the right direction and have some pretty exciting adventures coming up,” she wrote in January, knowing that she would be taking part in the reality show on a quest to find love.
[Photos: Facebook & TV3 / Story: Scout]