Guy Williams

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Real Name: Guy Malachi Jones Williams

Fake Name: Merlin Condor

Real Age: 28

Joke age: 73

Sex: Male

Did you grow up in Nelson yes or no: Yes!

If “Yes” Do you know my uncle Bill?  If “No” where did you grow up: Uncle Bill is a legend!

Favourite Movie: Napoleon Dynamite (a lot of people think it’s a weird movie to have as your all-time favourite but those people are wrong) also “Air Bud” the inspirational story of a Dog that plays basketball.

Special Talent: I have no talents or skills.

Marital Status: Lonely

Strengths: Turning up to things.

Weaknesses: Turning up to things on time.

Employment History: I used to work at McDonalds. The uniform didn’t fit (imagine three quarter pants and a crop top) so they put me out the back of the kitchen where quote “Nobody can see you”.  I was fired from hosting the Cambridge Hotel pub quiz in Wellington because quote “Everyone hated you”.  I was terrible at hosting pub quizzes but I got a lot of work because bar managers saw my height as a cost effective way to save money on a stage.

Life highlights: Going to Japan for one day to sing to Sonny Bill Williams at a press conference.  

Life lowlight: I once pretended to break into a Namibia Training session by climbing on a gate at the North Harbour Stadium. Security was called and I almost lost the rights to the Rugby World Cup for tv3. The scandal has since been labelled “Gate gate”.

Who are your favourite musicians: Kanye West, Robyn, Ben Folds and the Magnetic Fields (I had to put them in there I don’t seem like such a loser).

Who are your least favourite musicians: Pitbull, Keisha (although “Die young” is a classic), The Janoskians.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given: “Life’s a joke feel the vibes” – quote myself. “Don’t give me excuses, I wrote the book of excuses”  - Quote my Dad who is very good at excuses.

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